| just read
as for the comments... i wasnt lying.. i was hanging wif a friend who was moving away for awhile. I don't know whether I should be mad or not. In a way I am.. and in a way Im not. This is getting wayy too complicated. All I have to say is... I still don't get it. I know you warned me and I have learnt my lesson. I don't see how me being friends with him is gunna make things that much more worse.
I know Im loosing two friends and I don't want it to come to this. Looking back, You guys [all of you] has helped me thro so muchh shyt and made me walk the rite path just wen I was SO close to hitting rock bottom. You guys made me a better person and I appreciate and am grateful for that. but.. You also gotta understand that Im not as naive as before and I refuse to be used. As I said before, we're just friends.. nothing more. I have alot of other guy friends that I have a messy past with but we've overcome the past and managed to be good friends. That is my just intention. Let me repeat myself.. I think of him as a friend... emphasize on friend. Just Like how im friends with sirus... or jon [my "brother"]. I only talk to him still and hang caz we're friends. Wat is wrong with that?
2ndly.. I dont know if I need to justify myself but I will anywayz. I didnt call ppl to get them on my side. I called caz I was upset about the whole thing. I called caz I needed someone to talk to and someone to help me sort out my emotions. I called caz I needed someone to listen to me blow off some steam.
I've known you since gr 1 [you know who you are]. We were inseperable.. even wen I moved schools. Then we fought, ignored each other, den became friends again. I know I need an attitude check sometimes and I guess im glad you were there to tell me when I was being a bitch andd honestly speaking, you outta everyone was the one who made me realize that I cant go on doing shyt to myself. Did I ever tell you how much I appreciated that? You made me realize that only I can help myself outta this hole and also made me look back and see wat horrible things I did/was doing. I have changed since then.. when you told me that I cant go on like this. If I hafent changed at all, then I would just go back to being a ****... but I didnt. Doesnt that prove something? Doesnt that mean something? I stopped caz I wasnt just doing this for myself, I was also doing this for my friends.. caz I didnt wanna see them worry over me. Friends are supposed to bring out the good in you and yu helped bring out the best in me. It took a lil work, a few fights, and a whole lotta arguments... but still it worked. I have been clean for almost a month now... heck I even studied for finals lol. Anywayz.. bottom line is.. I dont want it to haf to come to this and I dont want to loose you. We've had so many memories good and bad.. and you've helped me so much through out my life. I've actually known you all my life. Im not mad and i dont think i ever can be mad at you. Truth is, I didnt kno that me being JUST friends with him would make you so upset. I thot it wudnt matter as long as I dont do things nemore [w/ him or w/ anyone else].. i mean after all, being just friends [not friends wif benefits] dont actually make yu a whore. All I have to say is... im sry I didnt know that you would be mad caz i decided to be just friends wif him. Tell me wat yu want me to do. If you say "block, delete, and never talk to him again" I will. I've known you so much longer and your friendship means more to me than his' or anyone elses. [no offense to my other friends.. i still love yu guys].
and same thing for you too. I've only known you for awhile but your friendship also means alot to me. Yu warned me bout stuff and I ignored yu [im sry for that]. I didnt realize that I was sinking into my own lil dark hole, digging deeper each time. You also helped me realize wat i was doing and snapped me back to reality. Theres nothing much I can say. I didnt know.. I had no idea... i was totally clueless...... that such a simple thing in my mind would make yu so upset. All I thot was "ok yea we'll be friends, nothing more caz this time Im gunna actually find someone whoz more worthwhile." I never intended to ever do nething with him again.... and I never imagined that just being friends wud be such a big deal. All yu gotta say is never make contact with him again and I'll do that. I cant read minds, I dunno wat yur thinking. All I know is, I dont want it to come to this. If you tell me "yu gotta choose which friendship to keep...either him or us" I would say yu guys in a heartbeat. I remembered that I promised to stop doing things andd I did. Im not "going back for more" or "going backk to get used again" or nething. We're just simply friends. If I hadnt listened to yur warnings, I would've gone rite back to doing wat i was doing before. I just wanna let yu noe dat I know I cant trust him and I also am not planning to trust him or do nething wif him again. All im saying is, instead of doing things, we're just plain simple friends. I am gunna stress once again that I had no intention for yu to be mad..... and I had no idea that this wud make yu piss... caz after all, I DID stop. If I had known tat my friendship wif him wud ruin ours, I wud never even haf thot bout it.
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